"So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore" - legitimate or illegitimate to leave the church?

I've entitled this blog post after the name of a fairly well-known Christian book written by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman that came out back in 2008.  I listened to Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings for several years when they were doing "The God Journey" podcast together. 

At the time I was listening to the podcast, I heard a lot of reasons that people were leaving churches. I heard about different levels of abuse and control and manipulation.

A lot more of these dynamics are coming to light and clearly the Lord is doing something across the Body of Christ to expose and reveal a lot of unhealthy dynamics in churches and ministries.

For reasons I've detailed elsewhere, the Lord led my wife and I clearly in the direction of house (or house-sized) churches which we had been leading for many years, and are now almost exclusively focusing on energy on.

"Houses of Fire - A Strategy to Bring in the Harvest" - LINK

"Houses of Fire (a.k.a. House Churches) in 2022" - LINK

I am convinced that the House church model is God's way of addressing many of the concerns that Wayne Jacobsen and the the above sources have tirelessly brought to light for many years now.

What I am addressing in this blog post however is the pendulum swing that such concerns and experiences have produced in the lives of countless Christians.

And sadly, for as much as I valued the work of the men mentioned above, a sad reality is that it has given fuel to that pendulum swing to a dynamic that some have called "Out of Church" Christians.

And I know many who have ended up in this place.

I recently read a powerful article which I will be quoting from anonymously below by a man who had gone into that place of being an "Out of Church" Christian and has thankfully come back into a place of Biblical balance. He saw the problems in the "established church" (in his case it was in the Pentecostal/Charismatic wing of the Body of Christ), and fled from there for a couple of seasons.

And it was while in that place, he realized that "Out of Church" Christianity is actually more toxic and unhealthy that being part of the "system".

As my wife and I were reading his article, we felt the Holy Spirit convicting us that some of the same sinful attitudes that characterize many "Out of Church" Christians were actually ones we have battled but from the place of advocacy of the House Church model over and against the so-called "Legacy" Church one.

To get into the article we recently read...

The author left "the church system" over 35 years ago due to disillusionment which began with a seven year wilderness journey. It was during the first 20 years of that time he spent much of his time around "Out of Church" believers, others who had 'left the Babylon system' as he at that time likewise was referring to his departure.

What he began to discover was that there were dogmas that he adopted, that other "Out of Church" Christians espoused, that he testifies he deeply assimilated into his life and mindset.

20 years after his journey out of the church began, he wrote the article that we just read and he confessed that he had become "sick of it all" - the values and mindset of those dogmas.

Why? Because he wrote, "it leads nowhere, it has never led anywhere, and it is never likely to lead anywhere"

At the time, he reasoned that getting out of the church would produce something lacking in his life and the life of other "Out of Church" believers but after years of being in that place, being around that tribe, he was radically confronted with the fact that it didn't produce ANY OF THE THINGS that they believed it would.

He went on to write that, 

"The Wilderness is supposed to be about brokenness, testing and preparation. And yes - God has led many of us there for that exact purpose. Yet why is it that so few seem to allow themselves to be truly broken? Why are they still so willing to judge by "form and structure" [of the church system] instead of the 'heart'? If this thing is about "preparation", then why are so few actually PREPARED? Why do most of them NEVER DO ANYTHING AGAIN - even after years and years? (-In fact, many actually grow WORSE over time - spiritually lazy and good for nothing. I have seen it). Do you mean to tell me that perhaps in another 10 YEARS you might be ready? Ready for what? Where will this 'change' actually come from? You are more set in your ways now than you have ever been.

So many are MORE arrogant, MORE argumentative, MORE self-righteous, MORE 'judging' of things that don't matter, MORE smug and self-satisfied than they even were in church. And they ["Out of Church" Christians] are also LESS unified, LESS trusting, LESS able to be part of a 'Body', LESS able to lead or to be led (-making the Book of Acts impossible - because without LEADERS there is no way it can happen. What on earth do you think PETER, JAMES and JOHN were? Don't you know there has never been a successful Reformation in history without strong leaders?)"

What an indictment!

He is describing the "fruit" of such an approach to the Christian life! And he testifies to the bad fruit it produced in his life personally as well as in the lives of nearly everyone else he saw living as "Out of Church" believers.

He goes on to say that the essential problem with "Out of Church" Christianity is that "it is diametrically opposed to the very PATTERN OF GOD. No leaders, no meetings, no faith, no DARING. And that is why nothing ever happens with these people, and nothing ever will.

They wait and they wait and they wait - world without end. Amen.

I call it the "DO NOTHING" doctrine."

What he says about God's "pattern" is 100% true. There is no "Church-less" Christianity in the New Testament. Believers are always connected to churches, churches that gathered together regularly and who had leaders. This was/is God's pattern for us to grow and be effective in God's Kingdom.

I was particularly convicted when I read the next part of the article as he relays an illustration of a church that meets in a building on Sundays, is led by a Senior Pastor (has leadership) and has 'programs'. Along comes an "Out of Church" Christian who immediately judges by "outward form and structure" this Church that had all the earmarks and the "very essence of [the] "Babylon" [system]".

But what the "Out of Church" Christian doesn't see/realize is that this church is feeding the homeless weekly, preaching a Gospel of radical repentance and prays for and evangelizes the lost.

He goes on to liken him as "Mr Smug 'Out-of-church' Man. He looks at this group and immediately judges them by their 'outward appearance'. They are of the "system", are they not? He immediately writes them off as just another corner of 'Babylon' - and their people as "IC drones" [IC = Institutional Church]. -Because the things he cares about are not the "heart" things at all. He is a Pharisee - pure and simple. He judges by the external appearance all the time. It is the 'outward boxes' that cry "Babylon" to him, and thus he never sees the "heart". I believe that God is a hundred times more pleased with a group like that, than with some smug "know-it-all" Pharisee who never lifts a finger to minister to the poor. So many Out-of-church people are judgmental like this. They are not 'broken' at all. They are harsh and critical and rebellious - and they badly need to REPENT. How do I know? -Because I was just like them for a very long time.

I am talking about people who know all the "right" things about church structure and so-on. They know all about 'Senior pastors' and church buildings and the way things "ought to be". But they have forgotten the "weightier matters" - mercy and justice and love. Many are 'clanging cymbals' - harsh and ugly. And everyone around them can see it."

Again, what a piercing indictment! 

And in humility he admitted that "I was just like them". 

He realizes that there are many examples of Christians within the same church system he left and had turned his back on that put him and other "Out of Church" Christians to shame as disciples and ministers of the Gospel.

It was here that I had to pause and listen to the Holy Spirit convict me of critical attitudes that I have developed towards the institutional church, especially since Covid. I wasn't and have never been an "Out of Church" Christian, but some of the same attitudes can creep into advocates of the House Church model over and against the more traditional church model.

I was convicted as I considered several churches around us that are doing a lot to serve the poor - a lot more than our small House church was/is currently doing. And the people who are hearing the Gospel and responding in other churches that I am so quick to be critical of. 

His strongest words came next as again he was preaching to himself and to other "Out of Church" believers:

"A lot of us need to shut ourselves up in a room for several days and REPENT and REPENT until all this stuff is gone. Why do a lot of us rub leaders up the wrong way? -Because we are full of REBELLION - that's why. How do I know? - Because in the "Out of church" scene I was full of Rebellion myself. Rejection, hurt and bitterness are absolutely EPIDEMIC in this movement. REPENT, before it is too late, my friends.

You ask, "Why are you being so hard on these people? Isn't the Wilderness a valid place to be?" Yes, it is valid if you are actually allowing God to break you and prepare you and take the harshness and ugliness out of you, etc. But if you are just sitting out there criticizing it is good for nothing. - In fact, it is greatly harmful...

The 'DO-NOTHING' doctrine is one of the most evil dogmas I have come across. It will happily sit and "fiddle while Rome burns". It is deaf to the cries of the lost and the urgency of this late hour. And it is the prime doctrine of the "Out-of-church" scene. It is one thing that could kill this Harvest dead.

If you have imbibed this 'DO NOTHING' doctrine, then you need to REPENT, my friends. -Desperately. For while you cling to it, God can do NOTHING WITH YOU."

WOW, WOW, WOW! What an honest confession of where he had gotten to and what was needed in response!

As someone who has led a couple of different house churches (or house-sized) now for the past 20 years, I can relate to so much in this article.

First of all, I am convicted that I have and still battle with some of the critical attitudes that he has so poignantly identified. I see pastors who are far more committed than I am and whose churches are doing incredible things more effectively than we are. More prayer, more evangelism. And I know it isn't a comparison game - but such a realization should help keep me from being critical and/or ever worse, having an attitude of superiority because of the "model" God has called us into. 

And secondly, I too have seen many "Out of Church" believers through the years. And they have all their reasons for having left the church. And those reasons generally have to do with somehow getting offended. Somebody in the Church or staff/leadership did something that hurt you, offended you. Will that ever not be the case? The answer is no. People are imperfect and we end up hurting, disappointing and/or offending others. 

I just had someone leave our church offended because they weren't included in a photograph that was taken. I had no idea what had happened until I inquired. I couldn't believe it! How in the world are we going to stand for Christ in times of tribulation when we can get offended over something so minor!? It wasn't intentional. I apologized when I was told what happened. But this person was simply going to leave offended and tell no one what had happened!

I can think of story after story, situation after situation. Most often we never know what happened. People just disappear. When we ask if something happened, the response is almost always, "nothing". But I am convinced that nearly always it is some type of offense and almost never what they say, which is "God is leading us to do something else". And when I ask questions as to HOW God had spoken to them, they get even more offended! 

Note: And yes, I am a person who asks such questions. I've learned in decades of ministry, that when someone says "God told me to...[fill in the blank]" it is often a cover for "I going to do this, and I really don't want anybody to question it as my mind is made up". 

My guess is that as we do house church, we often end up offending people even more regularly and easily than the bigger institutionalized ones because we hold people accountable and ask questions that one can avoid in larger churches where one can more easily hide and often no one knows your life. 

So, to answer the question I posed in the title - is not wanting to go to the church any more legitimate or not? Not if you want to be Biblical Christian. Not if you want to be a healthy one who is growing. there may very well be legitimate reasons one leaves "a church", but there is NEVER a legitimate reason to leave "the church". There are surely reasons to leave a particular church, but that only means you NEED FIND ANOTHER ONE!

Church-less Christianity is NOT Apostolic, Biblical Christianity.